Well I may be going to see my cousins today. My cousins who I've seen twice in three or four years, and both times at funerals. And of course my auntie Jan who sent me �30 for my birthday. �30... what did that money go on? Drugs. Food. What a waste.

It's a bad pattern. You buy your Cannabis, you buy your tobacco, you buy your rizla, you buy your lighter, you roll and smoke your joint and then you get the munchies and have to buy some damn food in addition to all of that.

Alternatively - You buy your mushrooms, you buy your orange juice, you buy your marmite, you buy your trippy pictures, you eat your mushrooms, you see amazing things and have amazing ideas - you go out and buy more trippy pictures and strobe lights and slinkys... and you buy more mushrooms.

I won't tell her that I spent it on drugs and food though. Of course I won't. I'll tell her that I spent it on ... I don't know ... a strobe light? Trippy pictures? Some blank CDs? Incense? Those are the only material posessions I've purchased lately. I keep thinking I should spend more on material stuff, something tangible that I can keep. The problem is that objects don't keep me amused for very long.

Clothes? Clothes are fine to look at, but they're boring as fuck - I honestly don't really see the point in owning more than 2 outfits if you own a washing machine. CDs? They are good, but they're expensive and you can copy for cheap. Sad but true. Books? Ya read them once and then mostly never even look at them again - So I just get those out of the library. Computer games? Games only keep me amused for about an hour and then I just give up.

What else do teenagers buy? Fuck it you know, there isn't anything material that I want that my parents don't provide. I've been thinking and thinking about something to save up for. I mean something that I really want. I can't think of anything. The only thing I really want at the moment is some film for my camera.

It's not good. It just isn't good. There isn't anything in the world that I really desire. Nothing that I can actually think of to spend my money on other than more drugs, more trippy pictures and another strobe light. Is there something wrong with me? I don't think so. I suppose I'm just content already.

My parents are back from holiday today. I'm still finding joint ends around the house. It's quite scary. I hope I can find them all before my mother does.