On the surface, ecstasy is everything wonderful. It makes you honest, it makes you selfless, it makes you able to totally express yourself, it makes you feel safe, it makes you realise just how much everybody means to you... It takes away a bit of your soul.

If you feel shit, and you take ecstasy, you will feel good. But when it's over, you will feel shit again, and it will feel just so much shitter, because you will have just felt really good. If you feel good and you take ecstasy... well I guess it must be even worse. To know that you can feel that much better than happiness. Blah.

I worked everything about E out the first time I tried it. I didn't have sex, but I knew that sex on ecstasy would be amazing. I knew that a one night stand though, would be tragic, as you would wake up the next day not being able to look your partner in the eye. I'd worked out how addictive in reality E probably is, though I'd only taken it once. I'd worked out that it would actually start to erode your personality after a while. It only took one pill for me to know what it was like to wonder round in a post e stupor.

It is amazing and it is evil. To know something better than happiness is like... knowing something better than love. Love would never be the same again. I feel sorry for anybody who thinks they're in love and then takes ecstasy in fact. It may be simulated but it is powerful. So powerful.

It would be cool if the whole world was just on ecstasy the whole time. Nothing would ever get done because you'd stop for a cuddle with the shopowner everytime you bought something.

I'm not writing this entry to promote it, kind of the opposite in fact, I wanted to present both sides. But it is true that it makes you selfless, why else would I have given Harry that half a pill when he was having a bad comedown. I knew that I was going to come down soon as well, and yet I wanted it to be him who had it, because I wanted him to be happy for just a little while longer. It does also make you honest, you admit things to people, for instance that you used to refer to them as, "The stupid Christian girl" it makes you do things like, oh say, tell your parents that you smoke Cannabis.

Yes! That's right kids, I finally did it. They knew that I was on pills too, but they weren't 100% sure and I didn't admit to it. But they know. They know. And because they have a good idea that I was on pills and they aren't completely switching on me, this is a good indicator that I've really underestimated them as people.

My step dad was all like, "Blah blah blah, Cannabis isn't a safe drug as it's sometimes portrayed, it does rot your brain" and my mum, she was like, "Don't listen to him Annie! He's just a sad git, he's never even done it you know. Don't be silly Andrew, of course it's not going to rot your brain away Annie, I don't mind at all if you smoke pot. Just don't start smoking cigarettes!" (Oooops)

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!