Well I guess a decision has been made. I don't really want to give up drugs because I enjoy them, and one shouldn't give up things that they enjoy, for that is silly. I am however going to cut way back, because all the health things aside, it's more fun getting stoned if you haven't for a long time, and I want it to be like that.

The thing that's kind of inspired this is Ryan. I'm not the happiest person in the world with him at the moment (Because he slightly left my party for two hours in which he went to a crackhouse and smoked crack with a bunch of crackheads just so he could get Harry some hash without any effort)

Now that upsets me. It really upsets me because I know that Crack is a bad drug. I know that it is a dangerously addictive drug. I know that I love Ryan more than I love any of my other friends, seriously, I love him like an extended part of my family. I know that I don't want him to get hurt. I know that Crack hurts. I know that Crack kills. I also know that he isn't a Crackhead and that its not like he takes it often. But it still scares me.

He had some nerve yesterday. I was feeling really tired and a bit out of it, and missed something he said, and he was like, "You shouldn't take so many drugs" So I kicked him in the leg in a childish fashion. He asked me why I'd just done that with a pained look on his face. I told him that he took Crack the day before. He said, "You kicked me in the leg" I said that I was sorry. I guess I am. Violence doesn't really solve very much.

Grace said that if it had been the other way round, if it had been me who'd gone out and taken Crack he would have gone absolutely mental. I don't know if that's true, but I know why it might happen.

He thinks that I can't handle drugs. I've had a bad trip on shrooms and now he thinks that I'm just weak because most people don't. But most people do. If you carry on taking hallucigenics regularly, eventually you will get a bad trip no matter how experienced with drugs you are. He will one day, but I don't want him to. Anyway, Ryan has no doubts about his own abilities to handle drugs, and he never really listens to anybody except for himself. And I'd say if he does listen to somebody else, it's always one of his guy friends.

Well I don't know. I'm angry with him at the moment. I guess I misplaced that anger when I said I was going to give up the wonders of Cannabis. I like Cannabis. It's not good for me, but neither is smoking or drinking or eating too much or too little or not wearing a seatbelt or going out into the sun without lotion or millions of other things that thousands of people do. It isn't good for me but I enjoy it, basically. But I will cut down. I will cut down a lot. I need a break from it all.