Sometimes I actually do amaze myself. I thought all the glass boxes had been smashed, I thought my brain was fried, I thought I really had somehow permanantly damaged myself through excess of happiness. But I haven't. I'm just a bit of a paranoid freak.

Today I talked. I was feeling awfully depressed and tired and my back was aching, but suddenly Annie leapt out. She said some quite sensible stuff as well. I talked politics for the first time in a while, I called somebody besides myself weak and pathetic. I stood up and said what I thought. It felt good. I've had a lot of energy building up inside me for quite a while now, and it keeps coming out in short dramatic bursts.

But those bursts are wonderful because it's in those periods of time that I remeber who I am. I remember what I stand for and I remember how much I actually do passionately believe it.

I had a frightening moment yesterday, when I watched Farenheit 911. It had a horribly upsetting scene. There was this dead baby and a man was screaming about why the fuck did it have to be a baby, why did it have to be a child, so many people were willing to fight and die and yet it had to be a child that paid the price. For a split second.. seriously and literally, not an entire second did it spend in my head, but I thought, "Well it's okay really, because death isn't real. It's just in trippyland now. It's probably happy." Then I remembered that trippyland isn't real and I don't believe in an afterlife. And I had to go to the toilets mid film and cry.

Because I realised that the child really was dead.