I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

It's not such a dirty word. I want it. I want sex. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm.

But more than this, in a twisted way I don't. In a twisted way I don't want anything. Not food nor drink nor sleep nor air nor happiness. I just want death. Is that possible? I never thought it was, but I guess it is. Just to not have to be here, not to have to face day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day of absolutely

NOTHING.

My life just carries on and on and on. I do the same things, say the same things things things things things, over and over and over again. What's the point in an existence like that? There's nothing new for me to find. No meaning of life for me to discover.

Sometimes, I can finally admit it, I do want to die.

But I couldn't ever leave them all behind. No matter how shit I felt, I don't think I'd stop loving, and there's no way I'd let myself die unless I'd stopped loving. Even if I was 90 years old and in absolute agony, eaten up by cancer and AIDS and God knows what else, if I still had my mind and still loved with all the passion I'm capable of, I would not die. It would be forbidden. I would not allow it.

I'm not going until I'M ready to. I won't die in a car crash or a plane crash or a drug overdose or cancer or ... nothing. Not until I want to. This is my life. This is my life. This is my life. This is my life. This is my life. This is mine.

I guess in a weird way, life is the only thing that does ever truely belong to you. Life and your own body. Everything else is a part of the Earth we share. We've adopted property, but none of us truely have the right to it. But our bodies, our minds and our life. They're ours. We should have the right to do whatever we want regarding our own lives and bodies.

I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex. I want sex.

That's what I want to do with my body. I want to fill it with intense pleasure.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.

Sigh. If only I could be bothered to go out and find someone to shag.