Is there still a reason I write in here? I can't remember what the reason ever was in the first place. Maybe it was that I felt unheard. I'm not really so unheard anymore. Or I am... and at the same time I am not. I guess I don't really care as much. I'm me. Take me or leave me.

I still have an attatchment to this site though. Just because I like to write. I get excited to, if somebody leaves me a note. They don't very often. But sometimes...

I am the wrong kind of person for this site really. I'm no longer an angsty fourteen year old, and I'm not a middle aged mother looking back on what it was like. I guess I'm a rather doped up seventeen year old on a quest for happiness and some kind of enlightenment. I'm kind of waiting, but I don't think they're coming. I'm sure one of the proverbs would be helpful here. Either one about moving towards these things yourself or one about good things coming to those who wait. Impatiently biting their nails and tapping their foot or not.

Extacy is the first drug that I've tried that has taken away my shyness. It's made me want to get out into the world and meet new people. Cannabis makes me just want to laugh with my friends. It just.. I don't know. I've gone off Cannabis a little bit at the moment. It's becoming too much of a blur. A person should not be stoned every day of their lives. Mushrooms are beautiful. I see amazing things on mushrooms, but I do get such intense trips and I just want to be around people I trust implicitly.

But E is different. It makes me want to get out there into the world. I don't know. I swear to all that I hold precious though, I will not become a pillhead. All I need is the experience, all I need is to keep it alive in the background. I can learn from it. I've come to a conclusion about E. It is neither evil nor good, for it is manmade and man is neither evil nor good.

I don't know if I'll be back. I guess I will if I have anything more to say. But right now I'm rendered speechless. Why write about my life? My life is boring at the moment. I might as well be doing something with my time instead of just telling everybody else how shit and boring my life is.

I don't know. I'll probably carry on writing here. That was just a point. One of many.